What Presidents Can't Do
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April 28, 1998
I FIND presidential debates on television pleasing and amusing. "Pleasing" because there are people out there who are actually dying to get that job. And "amusing" because you can see in their faces on television that they want the presidency so bad they're willing to give their souls to the Devil if that's what it takes to become president.
The presidency is one of the jobs I'd least like to have. Okay, you get to live in a big house for free, a handsome salary, a helicopter, an airplane, a big staff and the best bootlickers in the world for six years. And on top of that, you also get to travel around the world courtesy of the taxpayers, depending on your "tripping." But I still don't want the job. And please don't bother to ask me because I won't take it.
I might be mistaken but Malacanang doesn't have a psychiatrist who is probably the kind of doctor a President needs most.
I have always wondered why anyone would want to be President. I think presidents and those who want the job are masochists. The reason for this is because they seem to take delight in hurt and humiliation. Mind you, the Philippine presidency is synonymous with six years of torment and criticism. That's why a President needs a psychiatrist so he could ask, "What wrong with me, huh?"
How can a President sleep for six long years thinking that a Filipino wouldn't be able feed his family of six because of one lousy decision he made? And more and more Filipinos would surely suffer the same thing every time he says, "Cut that."
How can a President smile in front of the television cameras knowing that someone is miserably failing to provide his family three decent meals a day because of some policy of his that cost someone a job?
Can the President go down Malacanang's basement on a Saturday morning just to play around? Can he climb on the Palace's roof to adjust the television antenna? My God, he can't even go to the kitchen and take a load of garbage to dump.
Alright, the President is the most powerful man in the Philippines. But how come he seems powerless to do anything he wants to do? If he does something not related to his function, reporters might see him doing it. If and when that happens, the President can expect radio commentators and newspaper columnists to be accusing him of wasting precious taxpayers' money. You can bet on it.
I have always appreciated relatives and friends who show they are concerned about my safety but I would definitely not want a bunch of guys with dark aviator glasses walking alongside the moment I step out of my room.
I love motorcycles. But I know I wouldn't be able to drive one from Opol town to Limketkai mall if I'm President. And I prefer to drive my van myself. If there's something I really hate, it's the thought of someone driving my own van for me. I like to go where I want to go the way I want to get there. I want it MY WAY--whether in a car, a bus, a jeepney, on a motorcycle, on a horse or on a carabao. The President can't do that.
I bet there have been nights when the President would lie down on his bed after a day's hard work thinking of how he would deal with world affairs but wanting nothing more than watch a good movie. Well of course, the President can see any movie he wants to right in Malacanang but that's not "going to the movies" is all about. What "going to the movies" means to me is wearing my favorite shirt, faded Levi's and my five-year-old sneakers, finding a parking space for my motorcycle or van, buying burgers or hotdogs from Jollibee, standing in line to buy tickets and then groping my way down the aisle to find a seat. Can the President beat that?
And can you imagine what the next day's headlines would be if the President took the First Lady to one of those sexy R-rated movies?
I can do a million things the President can't. I can go to Cheer's or to The Site or to VIP's Piano Bar or to Dynasty Hotel's Picasso for a late supper and a bottle of ice-cold beer or just go straight home and eat my children's leftovers. Again, the President can't do that.
I can leave my motorcycle, take the motorela, eat bulalo or lie down and take a nap and do anything I want to do if I feel like it. Why then would I want to be President?
The President may have all the power to change the country with just a snap of his fingers, but it's a mortal sin for him to feel lazy, go back to bed and sleep the entire morning.
Worst, he can't even make a plan for the weekend. His planner, which he does not keep, is already full for the next six years. And we're not talking here about the days, but the hours.
I wish the President of this country a lot of luck. To all the would-be "presidentiables", frankly, you can have it.
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