Never underestimate the intelligence of monkeys
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January 11, 2002
THE remake of Planet of the Apes last year raised quite an interesting question I've never asked myself before: What if chimpanzees ruled Cagayan de Oro? I did not ask myself that because I had thought the idea was a bit quirky--until recently. The reality, I must accede, is that monkeys are already exercising authority over us in the city.
Lest I be misunderstood, I'm not making any reference to the intellectual ability of Mayor Dongkoy Emano or his status as Cagayan de Oro's No. 1 banana.
Mr. Emano's private and public exploits speak for themselves. Although a self-confessed college dropout, he was able to build a political empire in Misamis Oriental and Cagayan de Oro (watch out Camiguin, you may be next!) that is ruled by a "neighborhood association" turned political Taliban called PaDayon Pilipino.
The undisputed political kingpin in this part of the country didn't really have humble beginnings but he used to be ordinary. He was, and still is, a gambler--and a very lucky one at that. This distinguishing feature of Emano's personal nature prepared him for other types of business: massage clinic, tailoring, rural banking, monkey business, etc. By "monkey business", I mean "politics".
Just for the record, I have yet to hear a chimpanzee run a massage clinic, a dress shop or a rural bank. And I have yet to hear Xavier University or the University of Santo Tomas (where Mr. Emano was supposed to earn a degree had he opted to finish college) admit a gorilla. You see, apes, even the most talented ones, cannot go to school in the Philippines because they are broke and can't pay the tuition. (The gorillas in Malacanang and Congress have yet to grant scholarships to monkeys.) If only monies grow on trees, we would be seeing a lot of apes going to school.
Never, never underestimate the intellect of monkeys. Remember Koko? No, I'm not referring of course to Koko Pimentel who, incidentally, was Emano's challenger during the last elections. Koko the gorilla, if you would recall, made the headlines in 1998 when she participated in the first interspecies chat on the Internet. (I started chatting on the Internet only in 1999--meaning Koko was ahead of me by roughly a year.)
What many people are aware of is that Koko is fluent in sign language; she knows some 1,000 signs. What many don't know is that she understands a great deal of the spoken English (approximately 2,000 words) and can actually "talk"--thanks to a computer software called Lingo that allows Koko to "have a voice".
Development psychologist Francine Patterson, who trained the lowland gorilla, narrates how Koko became quite anxious when she overheard people discussing about the September 11 terrorist attacks in the US and after she caught a TV segment that described the tragedy. Here's an excerpt of a dialogue between Koko and Dr. Patterson with regard to the terrorist attacks:
Patterson: "Why are you upset?"
Koko: "Feel very sorry." (She then gave a big audible sigh.)
Patterson: "Talk about the trouble?"
Koko: "Man cut-neck, know takeoff."
By the bye, Koko has a tested IQ of between 70 and 95 on a human scale where 100 is considered "normal". It wouldn't surprise me if in the future, another gorilla would get 100 or even more.
If apes ruled us, would things get any better?
Would they get rid of idiots on our roads?
Would they show some political will and do something about the problem on illegal sidewalk vendors in the city's public markets?
Would they be transparent and post City Hall's financial statements in public places as the law requires?
Would people who did not vote for them get a fair treatment?
Would lowly drivers and the like be spared from mauling and verbal abuse? Would summary executions become a no-no? Would human rights get some respect?
Would masiao operators Boy and Alam get arrested, charged in court and subsequently convicted?
Would the politicians-sponsored prostitution of the local news media become a thing of the past? And would politicians and/or their lawyers, spin doctors, consultants and bootlickers stop masquerading as newspaper columnists and broadcast commentators?
Would politicial mudslingings cease?
Would there be good laws? And would ordinances be fully enforced and followed?
Would there be morality in public service?
Our list of questions can go on and on. Given all the problems in Cagayan de Oro city, perhaps the people should start thinking about putting a few chimpanzees in charge of City Hall. Real chimps, I mean.
Pastilan.
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